


best self, truest self

by AmandaBecker



Series: What if? [13]
Category: Sanditon (TV 2019), Sanditon - Jane Austen
Genre: F/M, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:28:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21583783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmandaBecker/pseuds/AmandaBecker
Summary: What if.... Sidney needed some air after his speech and came back to find Charlotte in the same...mood?
Relationships: Charlotte Heywood & Sidney Parker, Charlotte Heywood/Sidney Parker
Series: What if? [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1544161
Comments: 13
Kudos: 93





	best self, truest self

**Author's Note:**

> what should I say?  
> I don't know why, but I have to wrote this.

„I am my best self,“ his eyes glittereing of unshared tears.  
„my truest self,“ his breath hitched.  
„when I am with you.“ his voice almost a whisper.  
„That is all“ he looked down, turned and left her. 

Stunning. Speachless. Havy breathing. Dizzy.

Charlotte had to hold on to the table. She couldn’t belive what he said a few seconds ago. 

She heard him climb up the stairs and a few havy breaths later she heard him shut the door of his room.

Taking a further deep breath she didn’t even know she was holding, she stadied herself and climbed the stairs up as well.  
Immediately after she shut the door she slipped down. 

What does he mean?  
What should she do now?  
Is he expecting something?

How he desperatly wanted to kiss her back in Tom’s study. She was so beautiful glowing in the dark candle light. Her big eyes open wide with a sad shine into it.  
She was a sensual woman. Although as she streched her chin in a sulky way, as she asked of Mrs Campion.  
He couldn’t stop from thinking she was a little jealous.

He was holding back. She wanted him to leave her alone and he respected that, but he had to get that out of his chest. As he went to his room after he made his confession, he knew he couldn’t sleep, so he left for a walk to clear his head.

It was after midnight as he went home. Sidney didn’t want to disturb anybody so he opened the service entrance and stepped in the dark corridor.  
Strolling to the kitchen to find something to eat, he stopped at the doorframe, stunning to the sight in front of him.  
She was standing there, working on something he couldn’t see. With her back to him, hair loose on her back and shoulders.  
Sleeves of her dressing gown rolled up. 

He couldn't believe it. It went only above her knees, he imagined what it would look like if she wasn't wearing her nightgown underneath.  
He swallowed. His mouth got dry.  
She shook her head and her shining wild curls flew over her back again. How he would like to grab her curls and kiss her neck.  
He would like to lay his arm around her middle and push her against him. To hear her shaky breath and her little moan, when he slowly touched her through the material. How would he love to feel her response under his touch.

Sidney wondered how it would feel to caress her soft skin until he was able to free her beauty spot from the material of her dressing gown.  
He would kiss it, her soft skin, mark her neck with his bites, til he found her tempting lips.  
Oh Lord! What was he thinking?  
But he couldn’t stop. His imagination went there without him wanting it.  
He wanted to do everything she would wanted him to do. To her.  
He would love to feel her collapse in his arms and her trembling voice when she screams his name.

„Mr. Parker!“ she screamed looking up to him from the other side of the room.  
He cleared his throat, looked down embarresed, hoped his coat would be cover what should not to be seen.  
„You scared me.“ she turned again.  
„I wanted to eat something.“ He explained, although his thoughts were going back to his fantasies.  
„Of course.“ she said smiling to him over her shoulder. He couldn’t help, but he thought it was the sexiest thing he had ever seen.  
„I am sorry I scared you.“ he swallowed hard.

„What do you want?“ she asked innocently. You! he thought.  
„I do for you what ever you like.“ She told him, unaware what she was doing to him and he flinched as his thoughts again wandered elswere. He asked out loud.  
„Really?“ His breath was trembling as she turned immediatley and looked him open in the face.  
„cold roast, bread, scones?“ she asked and stepped closer, he tensed. She reached for his coat and he was happy to turn around, so she wouldn’t see the outcome of his unforgivable behavior.  
„Sit down.“ She ordered and he felt his blood went down again.  
„Some wine?“ she asked, he was only able to nod.

As she handed him the glas and he reached for it, their hands touched and both hands were shaking, so they spilled the wine on the table. He stood up hastely and she hissed, as he stood so close, he could feel her warmth, her tickling breath on the skin of his jaw. She looked up to him with her doe eyes. Sidney graped the towel behind her, it was almost an embrace, she gasped. Only a few inches away from her neck to be kissed, he looked her in the eyes. The air shifted. Slowly he turned and cleaned up the wine, dripping of the table on the floor. He bent down on his knees and cleaned the floor. She was standing still on the spot, she couldn’t move, surely she felt the same thrilling feeling between them.

He turned and was now kneeling in fron of her, he lifted his gaze to look into her eyes. She was in awe, she looked down to him and couldn’t move.  
The time seemed to stand still he stood up slowly. Charlotte had to bend backwards or their bodys would touch. She never lost his gaze.  
As he towered over her, his gazed switched to her slightly open lips, to her eyes again. He bent closer, and before she could fell, he swung his right arm around her.  
Her hands came to his chest. They breathed havily. Eyes locked. Lips slightly open. Hearts hammering against their chests.

„What else would you give me?“ he asked in a husky voice.  
„Pie?“ her voice a shrill whisper and it send a shiver down his spine.  
„You just made a cake?“ he asked, his voice low and deep.  
„Yes.“ a breathless answer.  
„Why?“ he bent down, looking to her lips once more.  
„I couldn’t sleep.“  
„Neither could I.“ He smirked.

She tried to gathered herself and straighten up, detached one step back, away from him.  
„Why you only wearing...this?“ he looked down on her, his hoarsy voice vibrated through her body. His gaze felt like he was touching her.  
Charlotte swallowed, blushed deeply and she looked on the floor.  
Sidney couldn’t stop reaching for her cheek and stroke it tenderly, she lifted her gaze to him again.

„I was not really thinking about...getting dirty...baking...“ She trailed off, he saw tears glimming in her eyes.  
His eyes narrowed. And Charlotte thought he would get angry, so she reached for the colar and tried to close it further.  
Sidney put his hand over hers, her breath speed up.  
„Stop“ he whispered.„I love how it looks.“ honstly answering, he pulled her hands to his mouth and kissed the knuckels. A little shaky breath escaped her.  
„love to imagine, how it looks when you wearing it.“

His piercing gaze was so intense, Charlotte shivered and was sure he could look into her soul. As he smirked again, she belived he could read her mind.  
Charlotte moisted her lips and starred into his eyes.

„what?“ she asked breathless.  
„I imagine you wear nothing else.“ His grip tightend around her waist and his other hand griped slowly in her wild curls.  
„Oh.“  
„I can’t stand this anymore.“  
„what?“ she asked again.  
„please let me kiss you.“ 

Instead of an answer, she raised her face and finally his lips touched hers. A vibrating sensation went through her.  
Strange, but at the same time, as if she had finally found what she didn’t know what she was missing.  
He tilted her head and deepened the kiss. Both were lost. She clung to him, clutched her fingers into his shirt, gasping, panting.  
He griped her firmly and pressed her against him. Two steps and her back was pressed against the kitchen counter, she detached herself from him for air and he took the opportunity and trailed kisses along her neck, meanwhile grasping her hair firmer.

Sidneys other hand traveled up her side to her shoulder, and followed the hem of her dressing gown. To the smal open colar, he opened it a bit wider with shaking fingers. She moaned softly at the feeling of his lovingly fingertips on her bare skin. Tenderly he tugged lightly on the material. He didn’t went any further as she was shaking and trembling and he let his finger slowly travel up. Over her collarbone, her neck, her jaw.  
Holding her face in both his hands, waiting for her to open her eyes. Cheeks flushed in a deep red, hair in a wild mess, open swollen lips.  
Her big doe eyes glittering with tears and so much feelings he couldn't stand it.

„We have to stop.“ He told her sincerly.  
Charlotte was only able to nod and tried to step back, but she was cornered by the kitchen counter.  
Embarrissing. She felt terrible, what had she done? She had let him kiss her sensless and made her wish never to stop.  
A loss inside of her was screaming for him, but she couldn’t look into his eyes any longer. She would start to cry in the next moment, so she tried to flee.  
Turning away she freed herslef of his grip.  
„Excuse me.“ It was barely a whisper.

He took a deep breath, he reached for her arm and turned her around. Sidney knew, he has to do it. Do it right! Now!

As she didn’t look up to him, he titled his head and bent till he catched her eyes. As they locked their gazes, he smiled, took a deep breath again.  
Bent his knee and get down in front of her. She gapsed, one hand griped her chest.

„I guess it is a little late, but I hope you are aware of my feelings and affactions.“  
„Mr. Parker.“  
„I love you in more ways, as you can imagine, and I hope you would like to...“  
„Yes.“ She blured out she noded and pulled on his hand, to make him stand up.  
He shook his head and continued with his speak in a mocking, slowly way to get to the point.

„I hope you...would like to continue this kind of... affections. In a more proper way. So if you...“  
„Mr. Parker!“ she interrupted.  
„..if you like to look at me with loving eyes,“ he grinned „...and make my heart jump out of my chest...“  
„Mr. Sidney Parker!“ she scolded.  
„...and make me...mad by kissing me,“  
„Sidney!“ she hissed alarmed.  
At hearing his christian name he stopped, his face was full of emotions and he asked sincerely.

„I hope you would like to make me happy of beeing the love of my life?“  
She smiled her beautiest smile and noded. 

„and...marry me?“  
Her „yes“ was a strangled whisper, as she bent down and kissed him.


End file.
